How to Promote Unity in Your Marriage

The following article is from a new site being developed to help strengthen marriages.  You can check it out by clicking the following - UNITY IN MARRIAGE RESOURCES  

The Bible says we are to "preserve" unity not "produce" it - "being diligent to preserve the unity" (Ephesians 4:3).  When we try to make our spouse be more unified and pleasant toward us we begin to have wrong actions and attitudes.  Our goal must be instead to influence change not make things change.  We do this by diligently applying the four attitudes mentioned in the previous verse (Ephesians 4:2), "with all humility, gentleness, patience, and forbearance in love".  But this is not easy to do when things are going so very poorly – when the love given is not returned - when indifference, selfishness and disappointment is the norm.  Certainly there are many times God's Word instructs us to speak to our spouse about such things. (Ephesians 4:15, 26-27, 29-30). But what will motivate loving responses like humility, gentleness, patience, forbearance as we decide how and when to speak and to deal with all this? We do this by having a heart that Paul speaks of one verse earlier, (Ephesians 4:1), "As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received." 

This blog and the course "Unity in Marriage" will seek to introduce you to thought patterns that will promote such a heart to be such an influence for unity in marriage.  If this is something you desire than this blog and course is for you.

WHAT WILL I LEARN?
First, how to renew your heart for  Christ and spouse daily by thinking on Biblical thoughts that stir spiritual motivators; second, how to develop new habits weekly in how you relate with your spouse in key areas that God's word emphasizes for marriage. 

WHAT ARE THE ESSENTIAL "KEY HABITS"?
The Unity in Marriage course focuses on habit growth in seven biblical marriage essentials: 1) Communication, 2) Role Fulfillment, 3) Team-work,
4) Delighting in Differences, 5) 5 Levels of Companionship, 6) Sexual Intimacy, and 7) Financial Goals

WHERE DO I FIND THE HEART TO WORK AT THIS?
This course seeks to teach you how to be renewed in four key spiritual
motivators to empower development in these seven marriage habits:  1) Fear of the Lord, 2) Hope in the Lord, 3) Love for the Lord and spouse, and  4) Humility toward the Lord and spouse.

The resources on this blog will help you stay encouraged to be faithful to keep promoting unity in your marriage.  Taking the eight week course entitled "Unity in Marriage" will help lay a solid foundation of Biblical principles and spiritual concepts.  The goal is that this blog will serve to facilitate ongoing application of what is taught in that course.  But even if you have not taken the course, our hope is that you will gain from the resources and articles on this blog.  To learn more about how to sign up for the next "Unity in Marriage" course contact Lowcountry Biblical Counseling Center: (843)278-0072, info@lcbcc.org, or www.lcbcc.org.

TO BOSTIC & THE MORAL CONSERVATIVES - YOU WON!

Curtis Bostic, 

You are proof that true moral conservatives have a responsibility to glorify God in the political process of elections, whether we win or lose. If we lose, we lose because we did not abandon our convictions of right and wrong, and if we win we win remaining true to the convictions. 

Though our country lost an opportunity to see how a man of conviction, a true moral conservative, can raise the level of hope and trust in the government - they still were able to see how one runs a campaign. 

To the many who voted and supported, we have not lost here - we have won. I pray we learn from tonight that we have many in the low country who still believe and will rally behind moral conservatism and that in the future this causes us to form a strong coalition of voters who will stand together for whatever and whoever our moral convictions determine is the best use of our vote. 

I want to remind us that you, the moral conservatives, are still the largest constituency in the low country - many of whom just did not vote. We are the largest because we are united not by a candidate but by an abiding, time-tested idea - the restoring of moral values to government.  So, I challenge you tonight, let us begin to talk and discuss what we can do together to increase the number of voters in the low country who believe that high morals and integrity are the first value that we need in any political office - federal, state, county, city, school board. Let's unite and arouse the moral conservative movement coming out of this. 

Again, thank you, Curtis and the many who labored, you have reminded us of our responsibility to pursue glorifying God in the political process. May we grow from here. This was a victory in many ways.

Your grateful brother, 

Tim Bryant 

P. S. WHAT DO WE DO NOW? DON'T DISENGAGE. 
Will you commit in the next week to register one other like minded voter from your friends/church? Studies of voting behavior among citizens who regularly attend church indicate that between two-thirds and three-fourths of them still do not vote regularly or at all! That is a lot of light being hid under a bushel. Let us change that static in the Lowcountry so that we may see candidates of high morals and integrity, like Curtis, bless our country with their leadership by running and winning at the level of federal, state, county, city, and school board in the next round.Will you use the energy of this loss and do this positive thing this week? Encourage others to do likewise by sharing this page or leaving comments. 

BOSTIC & SANFORD: DIFFERENT ON GAY MARRIAGE?

All three episodes of Bostic and Sanford interviews on NBC  can not be linked to individually. But I was able however to find on youtube a part of the interview in which Bostic and Sanford address same-sex legislation (one is 30 sec and the other 1 min plus).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yc3CWBGFEMQ 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4LWxgAEesa4

Here is the auto play of the full NBC interview but you have to navigate to page two at the bottom to watch the other 2 parts (one is 6 min, 7 min, and 8 min) http://www.counton2.com/video?clipId=8725260&autostart=true

Please pray. Today is voting day in District 1, South Carolina. We congratulate both LCBCC Board member and former County Councilman, Curtis Bostic, and former SC Governor, Mark Sanford for making it this far and ask for your prayers as voters choose today between the two candidates.  They have set forth what they believe is most important in the future direction of our country.

Pray specifically the Lord will give success to the man that will bring Him the most glory and the people's good in the office of South Carolina US Congressional district seat 1.  

While LCBCC does not publicly endorse a candidate, we do believe God governs in the affairs of people, nations and elections, and calls upon us to pray and vote best we know, according to His will.  Our government is desperately in need of help, everyone agrees, so we pray the Lord will give us political leaders who will best direct us to His help.

Tim Bryant, Director of LCBCC

FORGIVE SANFORD? FROM A LOWCOUNTRY MARRIAGE COUNSELOR

Up to this point, to my knowledge, Mark Sanford has never said, "I am sorry, please forgive me."  Instead he says, "I made a mistake for which there will always be consequences".  These are two very different statements reflecting the difference between how Christians are to deal with their sin and how those those who don't know the power of humility deal with their sin.

Forgiveness - what does it mean? Is it merely accepting the fact that we are all sinners and so just overlook things on the record of a person no matter how destructive? If it were only that easy. Should we tell Jenny Sanford that she should just "forgive" Mark and reinstall him as her husband even though Mark has revealed very little, if any, change of emotional devotion to his mistress from Argentina - now his fiance? 

Forgiveness is costly and granted, not automatic and expected. It is granted on the basis of true contrition. Look at Psalm 51:17 for how God decides who to forgive. Mark's rebid for another chance in the public spotlight after no proof of contrition toward the one on earth whom he hurt the most - Jenny, reveals his conscience has not come to terms with the gravity of his sin. Last night's debate was a perfect example saying, "We all make mistakes" and "some make mistakes in this and some in that". His conscience does not want to see this "failure" as different than many other "mistakes" that we all make - this was adultery, lying, stealing tax-payer money, etc. but everybody does that, so "forgive" me and reinstall me publicly? In fact, in other interviews Mark justifies his sin by saying he would die "knowing that I had met my soul mate". 

I have counseled many men caught in adultery who look at their mistress in the same way using the exact same terms as Mark, "She is my soulmate how could I leave her." Let me tell you, such a wife-devaluing statement does not help the offended wife feel like her cheating husband is contrite and sorry. Yet Mark can make this statement with tears in his eyes making the feeling-oriented voters in South Carolina think Mark is contrite. "Forget what he is saying, look at his eyes!" Well, in the real world of relationships, tears or no tears, such rationalization may make voters reconcile and "forgive" but they don't motivate the wife to forgive and start trying to trust again. This is not Christian forgiveness.  Only men that work hard at removing such conscience-deadening rationalizations and minimizing statements and replace it with true contrition win their spouse back. Apart from such true contrition a person dealing with a moral failure like adultery will spend their life running from the only thing that can restore - humility that begets grace (Prov 28:13). 

Some men instead of contrition over failures will run to others and achievement after failure to make them feel better. Indeed, a win on April 2 will help quiet Mark's conscience - we call this compensation. But after adultery, a person's conscience needs to accept the gravity of sin if the person's conscience is going to be rebuilt instead of silenced. The adulterer must turn from rationalizing, minimizing and compensating by achievement and instead, through contrition of mind start rebuilding life and trust with the broken relationships he has caused.  Up to this point, to my knowledge, Mark Sanford has never said, "I am sorry, please forgive me."  Instead he says, "I made a mistake for which there will always be consequences".  These are two very different statements reflecting the difference between how Christians are to deal with their sin and how those those who don't know the power of humility deal with their sin.

If given the opportunity, I would, as one sinner to another, help Mark find what I found after my moral failures, God can rebuild a contrite heart, but we must turn from rationalizations, minimizations, and attempted achievements to compensate for failure. It is true that Mark risks losing the election if he revealed the same kind of public contrition King David had after his adultery with Bathsheba (see Psalm 51), but it would propel him to far greater victories in life and relationships than mere US Congressional Seat 1. I thank God and give first hand testimony to this in my own life.

For help in your marriage visit or contact us at www.lcbcc.org